August 3rd, 2010

I am so amazed at how time passes so quickly. We are already 3/4's into the summer time and it has been such a cold summer here on the west coast. Luckily I got to go to Palm Beach Florida to attend my buddy Phil Collen's wedding to Helen Simmons. It was a beautiful event and they are extremely happy. I had never been to Palm Beach and I was thrilled to jump into the ocean and surf ( or try to surf) the constant waves in the very warm waters. Seriously, it's like salty bath water! The hotel and setting was gorgeous. I had a room with a view of the ocean and swimming pool. Three days of luxury- hard earned for a determined author and speaker. I was also lucky enough to be invited by the Taglialatella Gallery in Palm Beach to have a book reading event there. They are the gallery owners who hosted the Cover Girls for Change Event in NYC back in May. When they saw my "show" - otherwise called a book reading, they said "Please come to Palm Beach and have a reading there!" Well this invite coincided with Phil's wedding invite- thus affording me the opportunity to pay my way to Florida...well almost- because I'd have to sell a lot of books to pay for 3 days at the RITZ! :=) It was worth it though- to be there for Phil and his lovely bride. To meet Helen's family and friends. To show my continuous support for Phil's life, wife and future. It's amazing though to see the backlash from some of the fans- always looking for something to tear down. I guess that is the price we pay for sticking our necks out and living large. I have seen negative things written about Helen, Phil, and me. Mostly from people who weren't there- don't know us- or who are just plain grumpy. My heart goes out to them- I send them light anyway. Don't believe the things people say in anger -jealousy or rage- those are their own projections- of themselves. Life is hard enough- that's why I try to turn it all around and find the sweetness in the sour. I chucked all my cares away and went to Grassey Key Florida to swim with the dolphins. I met THERESA a 50 year old SwimAway dolphin. Theresa let me hold her fins- dance with her and she even gave me kisses. I have never been kissed by a dolphin before- what a slimey, wet and wild feeling:=) Theresa swam away from the US Navy in Key West twice! Each time she swam back to Marathon in Grassey Key...where there was a fisherman named Santini living in a little bay. The Navy brought her back to Key West first by boat and then by truck- but each time she swam back to Santini. They finally said "keep her, she doesn't want to work for the navy." No, she had a dream. A dream to inspire people to learn about dolphins and the fragility of the ocean. Because of Theresa, Santini was inspired to build this place called the Dolphin Research Center. DRC now hosts 28 dolphins. Many of them are descendants of Flipper the movie star dolphin! Theresa the SwimAway Dolphin is the oldest living dolphin they know of. Most wild dolphins only live 20 to 35 years- the longest living dolphin in captivity lived to be 40. Theresa's message is live your dream life and you to will be living large! xoxox Lorelei

Grand Central Station: NYC 5/27/2010 Runway RunAway East Coast Book Tour

Dear Beloveds,

A little reality check on following my dreams to be an inspirational, motivational, spiritual role model to those who are interested and care enough to read my book. I am writing this on a train to Greenwich CT.  after an exhausting trip across Manhattan carrying a 40 pound suitcase- 25 books- a portfolio of pictures-a backpack and a bag of prizes to give away on and off 3 city buses and onto a train……alone.

Now, I know it must look enviously glorious to live the life of a fashion model turned author….but here is the truth about it all…I can sum it up in two words: HARD WORK…or in one word as the New Yorkers call it: SCHLEPPING! Yes, I get to travel to the great cities of the United States. Yes, I get to meet and greet all kinds of warm and wonderful people. Yes, I get to touch hearts and have them touch mine. Yes, I get to tell my story and hopefully inspire others….leading me to more events, new places and lots more new faces. And I love it. Don’t get me wrong. But the other side of that is the planning, marketing, shipping, packing, traveling, and handling of books. Rock Stars have it so easy- they have roadies and CD’s that are much lighter and easier to pack. As a naïve publisher, I didn’t know better when I was learning the process of getting a book to print. I wanted my book to look as elegant as possible- especially with all of those fashion photos and backstage passes I had gathered and cherished all of those years. What I didn’t know was that the better the quality of the paper inside the book- the heavier it weighed! So my 300 page memoir weighs exactly 1.5 pounds. Try dragging 20-30 of those from city to city…along with memorabilia, Poster size photos, stage clothes and Haute Couture gowns. Add in my personal suitcase- shoes, make-up, wardrobe and prizes! It all adds up to around 150 pounds of  Portable Passion! Now here I am in NYC- Trains, planes and automobiles. Flight tickets, hotels, food and transportation…all of this for a mere $16.95 a book. Thanks to those of you who have come out in force to help me promote, organize and schlep this stuff I have actually broken even – still not making a profit – but- doing what I love.  I am filled with gratitude for the life I live, the lessons I’ve learned and the love I have shared. I wouldn’t change it for all the money in the world. It’s not about money my friends it’s about the quality of life. So I encourage you to follow your hearts- live your dreams and don’t worry about the money because you can’t take it with you when you die. What you will take with you will be the evolution of your consciousness and the wisdom of your souls. Live your lives to the fullest- share your laughter and spread the love that abounds as a result of creating your own happiness! I will do the same but in the meantime…Does anyone know a good chiropractor and masseuse?

Love, Lorelei

5/17/2010

Hello dear friends, As I write this note to you today I am so warmed by your letters and emails. It means so much to me to hear from you. Though it may seem to you as if I don't get them- rest assured I do and I read them all and I appreciate your letters with all of my heart. Many of you have written that you too have experienced the circumstances of alcoholism and addictions. I am proud of those of you who did find a way to be strong inside of yourselves and "save" yourselves. It has become apparent to me , (funny I used the word  'apparent') that we must "parent" ourselves. Not because our parents weren't good enough - but because they too are/were children themselves and they did the best they could with what they knew. I don't think there are really any parents that are "perfect." Though it may seem some were better at parenting than others. Suffice to say, it is really up to us to grow ourselves up- take ownership of who we are and raise ourselves. How do we do that? Well, I do it by raising my consciousness in every way I can. I read, I take workshops, I write, I go to school I meditate, I pray, I put myself on the line and I love myself through it- no matter what. It is so important to forgive your self and others for any judgments. Just remember we are all here doing the best we can. I really do believe we are all loving beings. If we do something that may be judged as wrong it is purely out of ignorance or lack of understanding. But it is never intentional. Remeber when Jesus said from the cross "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do." Well, that is the way it is for everyone. I make mistakes - not on purpose - and when I do I try to "course correct". If I am more aware I try to understand the mis-take and then correct it - or forgive myself and move forward. I encourage all of you to stay the course- follow your hearts- don't hurt anyone and don't hurt yourself. Let the love inside of you do the rest. I love hearing from you and I love meeting you out in the road in this fantastic world we all share. Be well, Lorelei

4-23-2010 What can I say about today. Other than it is or would have been Steve's 50th birthday. I am in Cleveland, on the road, spreading my word. Hoping to inspire others and answer questions about this crazy business called "show business". I have been touring the midwest and loving it all the way. My favorite part is connecting with my readers and feeling the support and curiosity of others. Everyone has been so nice to me and so supportive. I can't tell you all how grateful I am that I get to go around the country and be invited into all different walks of life. People are sharing their homes, their friends, their ideas and their love. I really get it- we are all connected. Happy Spring my friends. Keep spreading your joy and I will do the same. Love, Lorelei

Dear Beloved friends and readers,

I am in Jury Duty today- waiting, waiting, waiting. Luckily they have internet but it's oh...so slow. I have much to do to prepare for my book tour. I leave Thursday with my friend Christopher Young who will be teaching Film Score Composition at the McNalley Music College in St. Paul MN. He is kind enough to bring me along and help me to begin my tour there in the mid-west. It is hard to support the cost of travel to each of these places, not to mention the cost of shipping books in advance. I sent out 7 boxes in advance and USPS managed to destroy 3 of them;-( - You can't imagine how they must have drop-kicked them! So, the rest I will carry on the plane and hope that the airlines doesn't charge me more than I can make! Awe, but positive thinking and the sending of light surrounding my books, myself and my events. Please pray for me. I really look forward to meeting those of you who can make it to the readings. It promises to be a fun time. Also, special, in that this would have been Steve's 50th birthday and my plan is to celebrate it with all of you in Cleveland on the 23rd of April. I will have raffles so I can give-away some of Steve's personal items from the Hysteria tour to those of you who do make it out for his birthday party. It is time I release some of these personal things of his after caring for them for 20 years now. I do hope all of oyu are enjoying the lightness and blossoms of spring. I am. Love to all, Lorelei

3/25/10

Hello my friends. As I wrote in the last blog I am back- I found out yesterday that I have been low on vitamin B-12 - Vitamin D 3- and my doctor even added some sort of adrenal supplement to my capsule pile! So I started them all today and guess what? I was full of energy;-) So I am getting the work done around planning my spring book tour. Most recently I dd a book reading and signing at the beautiful home of Jody Mlynek. Not only is she a wonderful hostess, but she is a loving wife and a mother of two. What kind of mother is she? Patient from what I could see. Her family is blessed to have her in their lives and so am I. She put out a display of cheese, crackers, and an Edible arrangement of fruit that was fit for a bear! So pretty, healthy and yummy...with chocolate covered strawberries to die for. Then she pulled out about 20 original photographic prints of Steve Clark- there must have been 20 x 34 inch prints! And she gifted me two of them. How lucky am I? Well, getting to spend time - up close and personally with my readers and their friends and family is something I never would have expected to experience and enjoy so much. How many authors actually get to meet, greet and connect with their readers like this? I met Jeanie from Arizona who drove all the way from Tucson and on the way she picked up Barbara from Riverside. There were women from Los Angels, and the men in the room were rich with interest and emotions surrounding my story and of course their stories too. One of the things I love about these "get-togethers" is hearing the stories from all of you. It amazes me how my book inspires stories and healing from others who read it. I am so grateful for Jody and those of you who are coming forward to host these private receptions for me. You see I am the one who is receiving......ask- allow and receive- that's the ticket! Looking forward to meeting you all in person soon. Just as soon as I return from another 3 day workshop at the Women's Valley State Prison (WVSP) - Love, Lorelei

3-19-2010

Dear Friends, I can't tell you how much better I feel since Spring is in the air. I must say, I am a true California girl at heart and soul. I just get so down in the winter time. All I want to do is crawl under the duvet and nap. I feel like a bear. But now...I feel more like a butterfly and I am ready to take on the world again. How many of you get tired of turning the wheels? Sometimes it seems the wheel of fortune never stops at my door and other times I am full with fortune...even if I am cash poor. Life around me is springing with abundance. I can hear the birds singing together. They don't seem to mind that they are singing a different tune- somehow it sounds perfectly in unison and harmony. Well, enough about bird songs, here's what's really going on with me. As you know back in the fall my relationship of two years broke off...out of the blue and left me with a huge void in my life. Of course, I thought he was "the one". At least I hoped he was...however it turns out he is someone elses "one"- Soon after that happened my doggie died. Okay, so she was 13 but I thought she'd last another 2-3 years. Her kidneys gave out while I was on a book tour in Oregon and I drove home as fast as I could to be with her. I slept in her kennel with her for that last week at the vet before I finally took her home and to the beach to say goodbye to all her friends and places. On Dec. 21st I had her put to sleep and there has been another void in my life. The only saving grace was my "X" BF's doggie Huckleberry. He and I had bonded over the past few years and he missed my doggie too. Still he was happy to have me all to himself...until it was time for him and his daddy to move out. They moved out in February and now doggie number two is gone as well. It's amazing how many people new those dogs. They used to lie in the sun out on my stoop and people would walk by and pet them. They were the street greeters- they wagged their tails at everyone! Now people come by and ask, "Where are those dogs?" The hardest part is telling them the answer. "One died and the other one moved out with his dad." So here I am with an empty stoop. No wonder it has been such a SAD winter. Now, I find myself challenged again with moving forward and leaving the past behind. I ask God, "How is this for my highest good?" And then I let the universe reveal to me the blessings in the goodbyes. Life really does follow the trend of the seasons. We all must live through the light and the dark- the sun and the moon- the spring and the winter. No wonder they say "What goes around-comes around." Well spring is back and guess what guys...SO AM I.

Looking forward,

Lorelei

Lorelei

Hi Gang!

It's me again! I have been so busy writing on my Facebook and Tweeting and other things - it seems I haven't been up on my blogging! I was so inspired by the movie "Julie Julia" this year- now that's good blogging! So I will be connecting with you here more and more. 

I want you all to know that my book is now available in Audio Book Format and very soon it will be out on Ebook formats such as Kindle on Amazon. So - now you know what I have been doing. The Audio book was narrated by ME of course, I hope you like it. There is original music included by the  film score composer Nick Glennie-Smith and soon the song, with original lyrics by Kristi Rose the vocalist, and myself will be out too! I am very excited about this song.

I want to thank you all for your letters of encouragement, inspiration and hope. It means so much to me to know that my story and writings have inspired all of you and that we are connected heart to heart by our mutual life experiences.

I am here for you- write on!

Love,

Lorelei

PS All the Best to all of you loyal Steve Clark Fans and Def Leppard Fans- xoxo--Mwwwahhh:--)

11/26/09

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone--- (that means give thanks in happiness;-)

So many changes are taking place in my life and I am sure in yours. I have asked in the most recent days "How is this for my highest good?" And then I watch the answers unfold in their own time. I thank the universe for the lessons I am learning and I am asking for them to be shown to me in gentler ways. I am GRATEFUL. I am so grateful for my life and for all of you who have been apart of my life. You, my readers and friends all over the world. I love getting letters from Australia, Mexico, Italy, Japan and all over the USA. You are all so cute when I write you back and you say, "Oh my I didn't think you would write me back!" Of course I do. You are all important to me and I thank you. Thanksgiving and the season that is before us, practice being grateful, even if you have lost a loved one or you don't have everything you want or whatever.  It doesn't matter.  What matters is your heart being transformed and lifted up and your focus being outward and not inward. Love starts from within..Love the one you're with...YOU!

As Always,

Life Coach,

Lorelei
 

Dear RunAway friends, As you may have noticed I have not been up to date on my blog. Life has taken many turns and challenges in the past few months. Things change when we least expect them too. It is necessary to go with the flow of life, even if the "flow" feels more like "rapids." In any case whenever these changes come I feel stretched and uncomfortable - still, I know the God has my highest good in his plan. Some days I ask, How is this for my highest good?' Other days I see miracles happening around me. I just want to share with you these words of support...Whatever changes are happening in your life- trust that they are for YOUR highest good too. Sometimes change is really scary and letting go of things in our material world can be painful. Still, remember this, "Things get smaller in the rear-view mirror as you move towards your goals in life." Be in the present and be grateful for all you have. I am grateful for all of you! This is Novemeber- Time for Thanksgiving and giving Thanks;-)

Love, Life Coach,

Lorelei

 Space: The Final Frontier- When men need space.

[if !supportEmptyParas]--> [endif]-->

Dear Lorelei,

I need help. My boyfriend is pulling away from me. He says he needs “space.” I don’t know what went wrong? We were so happy together and then everything changed. Everyone tells us what a great couple we are together. I thought so too. I don’t know what to do. I am so confused. I love him and he says he loves me. Why is he doing this?

Sincerely,

Broken heart.

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Dear Heart,

I am sorry to hear you are confused. I understand your questions and I get that you are surprised by his pulling away from you. And I need you to know that this is ok. Really. It is normal for men to pull away. It’s what they do in order to re-center themselves; sort of re-position themselves in their lives as they move through their own changes. My question to you is… Are you his friend? What would you do with this information if he were just your friend? I gather you two have been friends or you wouldn’t have stayed together for this long - even your friends notice what good friends you are. Trust in your friendship. It is like an emotional bank account, it provides interest if you let it sit there long enough.

Sometimes the universe throws us these curve balls in order to check in with ourselves about who we are today in our own lives. We women sometimes forget to be true to ourselves because we are so busy doing things for others -instead of just being there “for” and “with” ourselves. Men seem to know when they need to retreat back into their caves to gather themselves. We take this personally. It isn’t personal, dear heart. It is just the ebb and flow of life amidst ever changing thoughts and emotions. It is the spiritual side of being in love and loving, no matter what the circumstances are.

Alison Armstrong, who studies and teaches about men and their behavior says, men are like rubber bands, they will come close and then they will stretch away. If you give them the room they need and let them know they are understood - they will bounce back again. That is the “space” he is asking for. He may not know how to communicate what he needs in any other language.

Meanwhile… how are you with yourself in this, dear heart? How are you with him? Does he feel safe? Can he make you happy? If he feels as if he cannot make you happy he will pull away. Are you appreciative of the things he provides and in the little ways he is there for you? Or is it never enough? If it isn’t then my question is, are you in the right relationship? And he may be asking himself the same thing. Time to check in.

My advice to you is to take this time to focus on yourself. What is he not giving you that you are not giving to yourself? Are you getting your needs met? Are you meeting them for yourself? Or, are you expecting him to meet them for you? Take yourself out and do something you haven’t done all summer that you wanted to do. Or treat yourself to something luxurious, like a spa, or a mani-pedi. Meanwhile, be grateful for what this relationship is teaching you. If you can take this time and let it be just what it is - time for yourself and time for him to re-member who he is - you will remain in a more loving, safe place. It is a gentle way to give you, him and your relationship “space.” In love we trust.

[if !supportEmptyParas]--> [endif]-->

Love,

Your Love-Life Coach,

Lorelei

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Dear Lorelei-

I need some coaching here. I pride myself in my job, even though it isn’t really the job of my dreams. It offers me security because I have been there for 12 years and I am making really good money. But I know it could change at any time and I feel as if my life is passing me by, while I avoid doing what I really want to do. What can I do?

Signed,

Jane

Dear Jane,

I understand your confusion and your fear of breaking out of the mold. On one side you have a lot to be grateful for because you have found yourself a secure position in the work force that enables you to afford a good life. I encourage you to really feel that gratitude and bless yourself. Yet, on the other side of that reigns the feelings of discontent., uncertainty and curiosity. What would happen if you chucked it all and dove into the great unknown. That would take a tremendous amount of courage and faith. Have you got that in you? Can you throw caution to the wind and let go of all expectation?

My advice to you is to research the areas you want to move into. Discover everything about these other opportunities in the work force outside of your comfort zone. I would wither get involved as a volunteer, an intern or as a student in order to bypass any fears of not being good enough or credible. At the same time nurture the position you are in. I would look into maybe cutting back your hours at your day job, or changing your schedule around a bit so you can make the time to explore this other field of interest.

These are 3 ft. tosses. Sometimes we need to just stick our toes into the water to test the temperature. You may continue to wade into the deeper end of the pool, or you may decide not to swim at all. Perhaps you prefer the land life? How will you know if you don’t even try? But it sounds to me like you do want to try so here are a few more ideas.

Write your ideal scene dream job on the top of a piece of paper or create a vision board showing you what that /job/life looks like in the external world. Paste positive words, phrases or slogans on it like: Opportunity, Go for it, Live and Let Live. Add in pictures of yourself enjoying those opportunities where you are doing what you love and really see what that looks like, you in your joy, doing what you love to do. Write your intentions in the affirmative such as this: “I am joyfully working at my dream job, creating the life I want.” Or, “I am easily tackling all my job descriptions as I learn new things everyday.”

Always write as if the scene is already “in play.” As if you are living it…then feel the joy in your vision. This helps the sub-conscious mind ready itself and remove the dark fears that hold you back. It sort of  re-programs your negative self talk. Then, paste that board or page where you can see it everyday, read it aloud and just put it out there. The universe, like Jack in the Box, will always give you what you order….so be clear and concise! Go ahead and ask for the “secret sauce!”

I support you in your dreams, I encourage you to reach for the stars and if you need any more help aligning yourself with your stars, get a life coach to guide you on your path.

This is your life Jane, so what is your purpose? You do have a choice.

All the Best,

Your Life Coach,

Lorelei

Purpose and Choices
by Lorelei Shellist,  Life Coach

Darkness & Drama VS. Light & Love

Dear Lorelei,
I am just going crazy with my family situation.I have pulled away from all of them in order to find my strength in all of this. My daughter, my soon to be ex-husband and my mother are all testing my patience on a daily basis. It is such a long story, I don’t know where to begin. Please help me find some kind of peace in all of this drama.
Signed,
Cindy

Dear Cindy,
I hear you! Everyone else’s instability is testing your stability. It is as if the universe is sending you detour signs to get you off your path to inner peace. It isn’t really the universe though, it is the ego hard at work. It sounds to me as if you are trying to make it on your own and take care of yourself. This is excellent news, and I applaud you for it, but be aware, this is a test, it is only a test.

I encourage you to stay the course. If you are clear about what you do want in your life and you stay true to that part of yourself; your inner-self, that voice inside of you, then all of the dramas will soon fall away. However, returning to your self takes dedication, loyalty and strong intentions. I ask you, who are you in all of their drama? How are you with your-self. Are you gentle or judging? Are you patient and kind? If not, please take on those qualities and affirm they exist inside of you. You see as you reach for the light and that place of grace inside yourself- the ego gets scared, it thinks it will die.  Ego will try to hold you back by bringing you down to its own level of mediocrity. The ego doesn’t want to be abandoned, it doesn’t like the light.

Families are our greatest earthly teachers. We love them so much that whatever they do affects us, if we let them. It is not our job to take care of them in their dramas, it is our job to take care of ourselves though. How do we do that? How do we detach from the dramas and stories of our families and loved ones and still save ourselves? My advice is to stay the course. You may tell them you love them and that you are taking time for yourself right now. Tell them not to take it personally because it is about you taking care of you. When they see the change in you – I promise they’ll be wanting some of what you have. Map out your intentions for how you want your life to be and how you want to show up in your own life and in the world. I encourage you to write them down in a sacred place like a journal or notebook and review them every day. If you were traveling by car across the country you would consistently refer to your map for directions wouldn’t you? Life maps work the same way. Write, read, review and remind yourself of who you are and what you want. When you stay true to your own map, your own intentions, no one can derail you. Stop, breath and center yourself. Ground yourself and ask for Spirit’s assistance. Then let it go. Turn it over to your higher power and trust that everyone will find their own way. Set your purpose and make your choice and let peace be still inside you. Soon your family will be saying, “I’ll have a “peace” of what she’s having!”


Love,
Your Life Coach,
Lorelei

 

Purpose and Choices 8/13/09
By Lorelei Shellist, Life Coach

Doggone Sad

Dear Lorelei

My dog died 2 years ago and I am still grieving over him. He had a great life and died of old age so there is no guilt or regret. I try and hang out with my friend’s pets because I can't get a new dog right now. I work  and travel so much. Is it normal to be upset this long? What can I do?
Signed,
Sad Susie

Dear Sad Susie,
I hear you Susie and I understand your pain. Losing a friend you love is bound to take time to get over. Especially one such as a pet who gave you love unconditionally no matter what you did! That is the beauty of our animal creatures, especially our loyal dogs. Remember, spirit never dies, it transitions into another world and place of bliss.

There is no need to question or judge the feelings you have and the memories you hold for your pet. Your feelings and love are real and yes, grief is a part of all of that. I encourage you to feel your pain, but know this, you don’t have to suffer at the same time. Acknowledge your pain, love it and let it be with you. It is really o.k. We all make the mistake of trying to avoid painful feelings and that just never works. We avoid by judging, blaming, and distracting ourselves from our feelings only to have them re-surface at another time. I encourage you to just accept that your sadness will pass and missing your dog is pure and true. If you continue to walk through the grief you will come out the other side in time. Not our time, but Spirit time. In the meantime…

You can write a letter to the spirit of your little friend. You can even mail it to God or burn it. I know your doggies spirit will feel it and if you ask for a sign from heaven that your loved one received it, I promise you it will show up in the beauty of life that surrounds you. In your prayers and meditations focus on the happiness your relationship held for you both. Bless those memories, try to accept “what is” and all the things your friendship taught you about loving unconditionally. Then apply that love to all the places that hurt inside and hold yourself and your pet in your loving heart. When the time is right a new doggie, or love will come along and find you, and the circle of life and death will complete itself. There is always a reason and a purpose for the challenges we face in life and it has been said that,  “that which does not kill us, only makes us stronger.” I would bet that your dog is always with you and watching you from a happy place in heaven. Try to feel that goodness in the breeze, in the warmth and in the little things in your life.

I wish you peace, happiness and strength of heart.
Love,
Your Life Coach,
Lorelei
 

*Hear Lorelei on WMNF The Women's Show / Sat. Aug 8th 10-12 AM ET
http://www.wmnf.org


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Purpose and Choices
By Lorelei Shellist, Life Coach

Sort it out in two parts.

Dear Lorelei
I have a pile of paper work so big I fear I will never get through it. Every time I think I am getting through it, more things arrive in the mail. I am afraid to go near it. What can I do to get out from under these piles of paper and see the surface of my table again?
Signed,
Shredder

Dear Shredder,

I hear you and I know the feeling. It is a feeling of overwhelming fear. “Overwhelming” being the key word in that sentence. Often times when we look at things they seem bigger than they really are because we are looking at the end result and not the process. It is a test of presence really. Being in the moment with the task at hand and taking it one step at a time instead of racing to the finish. What are your choices? Feel the fear and do it anyway!  The job must be done and only you can do it, so let’s begin to S.O.R.T. it out in 3 foot tosses. See your pile of paperwork as a game or a puzzle to play with and let the games begin!

 Here is what I do when I sit down at my desk with my pile of bills that awaits me in a bright purple folder that says; “I love my bills,” with a heart drawn around it:

Part One:
S- Search
O- Organize
R- Remove, Re-use and Recycle-
T- Toss
1-    I clear my work-space first. A desk, table or clean counter will do.
2-    I gather my tools: 1 trash-can, 1 recycling bin, 1 letter opener, 1 red marker.
3-    I slash open all the envelopes, then SEARCH and ORGANIZE my papers by laying them out my desk. Organizing my piles in order of priority. a) Bills that are overdue would come first, and then bills that are coming up next and so on.
4-    As I create my piles, I SEARCH for and REMOVE any ads, literature or coupons that I KNOW I’ll never get around to reading or using. (Now is when I curse the senders for wasting paper and cutting down trees) As I do this, these papers and envelopes go immediately into the trash bin if they are not re-useable.  This is called “purging” and while I am purging I thank myself because I am actually being of service when I…
5-    RECYCLE the papers that are blank on one side and RE-USE them in my own printer- printing things such as directions to places, or instruction manuals, or whatever doesn’t need a fresh new piece of paper.
6-     TOSS. Three-foot tosses are the best way to go. Up until now I have already done seven “3 foot tosses,” with out using up too much brain power. Or better yet my Dear Shredder, SHRED!!!

Here is what I have now:
a) A pile ¼ of the size from when I sat down.
b) A neat and orderly work-space.
c) A feeling of clarity, accomplishment and pride.
d) A well deserved break.
I may go have lunch now, or walk my dogs, or take a cup of coffee and return. Sometimes I will not return until the next day because I know when I do, the task will be much less daunting. (Don’t leave it much longer than a day or two or you will be back where you started!) The fun part was getting rid of all that un-necessary crap that was taking up all that space. Desk space and head-space. I can breath and think clearly again.

Part Two:
Prioritize.
1)    Now is when my red pen comes in handy. My fresh light pile is now ready to be marked.  I circle the due dates with my red pen putting the most immediate and important in one pile. These are bills that must be paid right away or else! The red pen, (or a highlighter) helps me find the date more readily and I can work faster from there.
2)    I pay those bills either by check or online banking, then I file those receipts immediately under Utilities, Mortgages, Insurance, Auto, Health, Pets, Kids, or whatever the case.
3)    Now for the rest. Some need tending to in a day or a week from now. Some papers only need to be read or reviewed. Those get their own piles. If they need to be read they go by my reading light either in my reading chair or my bedside table. Once I have reviewed them- they get tossed in their bins.
4)    If I have bills that need to be paid and I am out of funds I just schedule them online for when I will have the funds-or write the check –put it in the envelope and write the due date on the top right corner where the stamp will cover it when I am ready to post it.

By now my pile should be gone. My desk is clear, my head feels lighter, my life is breezier and all it took was a bunch of 3-foot tosses, a shredder, and a few hours out of the month. I wish I could say it would all go away but then how would I ever win at scrabble, or poker, or life?

The saying goes that things are never as bad as they seem. We can talk ourselves into anything by holding onto the beliefs we create in our own minds. I believe if it has to be done, it must be done and I will get it done…with grace and ease. If we can create hardships in our lives then we can also create simplicity. I choose the latter. What will you choose?

Grace and Ease,
Your Life Coach,
Lorelei
 

Purpose and Choices
By Lorelei Shellist, Life Coach

Losing track of ourselves while focusing on others

Dear Lorelei,
A friend of mine recently married a very nice man who I think is an alcoholic. Having been involved with my share of alcoholics and addicts in the past, I can see the writing on the wall. When her husband begins drinking she tries to usher him out of situations before he gets belligerent and embarrassingly drunk. She even apologizes for him on the way out the door as if his drinking is a reflection on her. I am concerned for her welfare, what can I do to help her?

Signed,
Carie


Dear Carie,
I hear you Carie and I understand your concern for your friend, as we who have walked that path know how futile it is to try to “care-take” or control another person. If you have been down that road in your own life then you know how long it took you to learn how this insidious disease masquerades itself by getting away with whatever it can from whomever it can - until everyone concerned is on the merry-go-round of either “lack of responsibility” or “over-responsibility.” In other words your wanting to take care of your friend is the same as her wanting to take care of her alcoholic husband. So you see, this is pushing all of your co-dependent buttons. Remember, when we are focusing on other people’s issues it means we are not focusing on our own.  How do you help? My advice to you is to be a power of example by stepping up your own co-dependent recovery program and loving yourself. Are you going to 12-step meetings yourself? Are you in Co-DA or Al-Anon? If so, then when the time comes that she needs you the most, you will be ready to lend her a compassionate ear, without judgment and she’ll want some of that inner peace and wisdom you have acquired within your-self by taking care of yourself. Then, if or when she asks for help you may gently invite her along to a meeting, or share some of your own experiences, or even your books with her. In my own experience it took me ages to really understand my part in my alcoholic’s disease. You see we all need each other to fuel our bad habits. This way, we have someone to blame them on! What happens next is we discover that all we are doing is creating havoc in our own lives in order to stay dis-connected from ourselves. All these distractions actually keep us from our-selves. The dramas, the fixing, the loving too much. Keep the focus on your-Self and allow your friend the dignity of her own process too. Stay on purpose Carie be a good example and keep making those loving choices.

Love,
Your Life Coach,
Lorelei